Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
