pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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