I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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