How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
