I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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