u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
