I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
