well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
