I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
