i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
