one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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