Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
