What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
