i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
