he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
