Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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