I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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