Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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