Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize