dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
