omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
