I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
