I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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