I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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