I bet he comes in French.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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