i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
