Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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