I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
