I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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