May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
