just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize