i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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