Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she smelled like a LAN party
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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