Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
