me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
