do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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