I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
