24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
