You're so nebulous sometimes
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
