Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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