: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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