I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
