Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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