When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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