I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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