You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
