I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
