He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
