you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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