mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
