i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
