Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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