I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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