he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
