I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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