just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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