Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
