i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
