then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
