I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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