He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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