the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
