I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
