i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
