You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
