Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's always time for handjobs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
