Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
