We're facebook friends in real life
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
