There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
