I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize