HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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