Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize