So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
