i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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