i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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