I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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