i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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