So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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