i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
