Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
