You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
