dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
