Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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