Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just pee around me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
