There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
