Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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