$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
