Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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