In the future we'll all be gay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
