this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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