You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
